Evil Inc. Issue #2 September 8th
Editors Note: This issue was meant to spotlight the Blizzard (nee
Killer Dwarfs), Heat and the Dragons (nee Hurricanes). With
opening night only days away, these three teams deserved top
notch coverage on the official CASC web page. But the Renegades
wouldn't hear of it. Peter Knapp got upset, so the world had to
stop until he was satisfied. The Heat are out in the cold for a
little while longer, the Blizzard will have to cool their heels
and the Dragons will hold back the fire 'til the next instalment.
Knapp Sacks It To 'Em
It seems that Peter Knapp wasn't pleased with the article
"The Saga of Paul Iacurto" (Issue #1). In that article, Peter
Knapp, Ian Foster and Angelo D'Agostino were quoted in a story
concerning Paul Iacurto's contract demands. Ian had no problems
with the article, saying that "it made me sound like an
intellectual. Imagine that. Me. An intellectual. Thank you."
Double A D Apostrophe, on the other hand, was grateful that many
of his profanities were edited out.
Peter Knapp. What can one say about Peter Knapp? (Many,
many things, but there's not enough space) Why was Peter upset?
It wasn't because he was quoted saying something uncomplimentary
about a teammate. Heck, he does that all the time. Peter was
upset because in the article, he "came across as European royalty
with a tinge of Anglo-Saxon snobbery".
"What you did, when you wrote those things", Peter K. said,
"was make me look distant. Aloof. Like I didn't care about Paul.
About his feelings. About his contract status", Peter said. "I do
care. Paul is an acquaintance, with respectable talent. I want
him to stay with the Renegades", Peter finished with a sigh.
But Peter was not finished. "Can I tell you something off-
the-record?", he asked. Peter looked around to make sure no one
was listening. Whispering, he said, "Paul will play on the
Renegades and only the Renegades. It's not official yet but there
are no takers in the trade market. Your article scared everyone
away". Peter stopped to look around a bit more. "His demands were
unreasonable. WCW better than WWF, my ass. His name mentioned
first in any report was a non-starter".
Peter was in his element now. "We, I mean I, tried to get
the Four Aces interested in a trade. Unfortunately, Jack Lotti
knows how to use the Internet and he even knows how to read, so
he was aware of what was going on. He's a WCW fan, as is
everyone in Canada, and right there the conversation ended".
In private, Peter admitted to unofficially trying to trade
Paul Iacurto. Peter added that "publicly I will say all the right
things but reality is beckoning. Paul has a choice. No one will
take him with those five demands, especially us". What were
demands #4 and #5?, Peter was asked. Knapp knows that the league
waits with baited breath to know what was in the original E-mail
sent to him by Paul. Knapp smiled and said that was a secret that
would never be disclosed. Ever.
A MESSAGE FROM JOHN WONG OF THE FOUR ACES
Hi, my name is John Wong. I wear #77 on the Four Aces. The
skinny guy. Oriental. Defenseman. I give my best effort every
time. I consider myself a nice guy and so do my teammates and my
opponents. I'm a clean player. However, I have a secret. I try
not to share it with anyone because it might ruin my reputation.
The secret is: I hate people. I want to see them, whoever they
may be, suffer. The pleasure in my life derives from observing
the pain of others. I wish that everyone, excluding my family, or
most of my family, anyway, and certain people that owe me money,
could feel the anguish and misery that mortal existence thrusts
on humans every day. Life isn't fair. Now I'd like to take the
time to wish every player in Action Circuit Sports the very best
for the upcoming season. Good luck and I'll see you on the floor.
PAUL IACURTO: What Next?
Very little to report on Paul Iacurto's status with the
Renegades (Issue #1: "The Saga of Paul Iacurto"). Very little,
unless of course you read "Peter Knapp Sacks It To 'Em". No
contract has been signed. Trade talks may or may not be taking
place. Paul has stayed out of the spotlight. He has refused to
return phone calls, E-mails and regular letters from everyone but
his captain Peter Knapp. This much is certain, though: Paul wants
to play but also wants his five demands met. Three of the five
were discussed last week. The other two have not been uncovered
yet. So the questions remain: Will Paul be in the lineup opening
night? Will he be happy? Will he play like the Paul of old or
like an old Paul? Keep reading 'Evil, Inc.' to find out.
THE LATEST ON MIKE MURPHY
Since the interview with Mike Murphy was posted on the
Internet (Issue #1: Speaking With The Legend") events have
progressed. That is to say that nothing has been decided. Yet.
But the phone lines are burning between members of the Bluedogs.
They are trying to convince Murph, en masse, to come back. They
view him, and rightfully so, as the main reason that they are
Gifts have been offered to Murph. But what can you give
someone who has everything? Captain Kim Nethersole reportedly
offered Mike free photocopies for life and was refused. Murph
apparently has that already. As a result, Kim has been trying to
recruit a replacement for Murph. Obviously, that isn't possible.
Kim has had no choice but to recite the mantra "the season won't
be a disaster, the season won't be a disaster" every night before
he goes to sleep.
Forward Fraser Baird; Esquire, was so desperate to keep
Murph on the Bluedogs that he offered Murph free legal services
for the rest of eternity. According to Fraser, Murph refused.
"Who needs a lawyer when I've paid off every cop and politician
in the city and most of the judges as well", were Murph's exact
words. As a result Fraser Baird is the one who is confused as to
his future, and not just with the Bluedogs. Apparently he had
never met anyone who didn't need a lawyer. "My faith in the
judicial system is shattered. Public officials on the take. I'd
never heard of it".
And so the story goes. Murph is unavailable for comment.
He's contemplating. He wants to return only if his legacy will
not be disturbed. He wants to retire on top. His teammates don't
care about the legacy. They want to win and having Mike Murphy on
the team is their only hope. They must wait. The season starts in
a few days.