September 21, 1998
Dragons: Real Life, Real Revenge
The Dragons are new to CASC Friday night hockey.
At least most of them are. Three players, however, are veterans.
They've played in the league for all three years of its existence.
To be more specific, they are veterans of one team. Hell, let's be
honest: they're ex-Renegades and they've got a score to settle.
Forward Kamlesh Patel, defenseman Real Paquette and goalie
Ronen Nathan were unceremoniously dumped after last years
playoff debacle. The Renegades, who finished 1st overall in the
regular season, were defeated soundly by the Bluedogs in the
This defeat caused Renegade captain Peter Knapp to get upset.
And because Knapp was upset, he held a team meeting at the Royal
Westin in which he democratically decided to "replace" Kam,
Ronen and Real. It was democracy at its finest. Peter began by
asking everyone for their thoughts. Joe Lazarra started off by
saying that he thought the playoff loss was as a result of "too
many meetings such as this", and had "nothing to do with Kam,
Real and Ronen.." Peter scowled. Joe apologized. Peter stared
at the wall. Joe couldn't face the soon-to-be-three-ex-Renegades.
The die was cast. Kam and Ronen and Real left immediately, thereby
leaving three previously ordered beers in the capable hands of Chris
Kam forgot about the episode. Apparently he had been dropped
from many teams and was accostomed to rejection. Ronen also
accepted his fate because as a goalie he knew there were other
teams which would appreciate his ability, and the easy
accessibility of his equipment. Simply put, Ronen had some of
the only available goalie equipment in Montreal, which made him
a hot commodity.
Real wasn't as happy. He swore under his breath at Peter Knapp
at the Royal Westin meeting. He would have swore out loud were
it not for the dinner engagement at Knapp's house the next night,
which included free food, wine and valet parking. As Rheal put it,
"I wanted to stay a Renegade, sure, but an invitation to a party like
that, well, you know, priorities, man." Instead Rheal bided his time,
waiting for the perfect moment to strike back.
In early August the moment came. On the 7th Kam called, and
asked for the down payment for the upcoming season, for the team that
they were building in order to get back at the Renegades. It seems
that Real had forgotten he had agreed to play against the
Renegades come September, and that the anger he had built up should
have subsided. Real, however, decided not to let Kam know about this
memory loss because it would have hurt his own reputation, and besides,
Real lives in his own private reality anyway.
So there it is. The Dragons have 10 players, seven of whom
noone has ever seen before. Three veterans, two of which have
accepted their fate and will live life the way they always have,
whatever that means. And one, Real Paquette, who has decided
that he would get back at the Renegades. Someway. Somehow.
Somewhere. "October 9th at 7:00 p.m. Dragons versus Renegades.
I'll be there at 6:30, 6:45 if there's traffic on the 15. There
will be hell to pay". This is Real life.
The Four Aces Report : "He Is Coming"
The Four Aces lost 11-10 on opening night. Captain Jack Lotti
did not appear. Defenseman John Wong did not appear either.There were
other less important players also didn't show up but who cares about
them. With only one sub on the bench the Aces took an 8-2 lead before
faltering. When Jack Lotti heard about the result (the loss) over the
phone, he was understandably upset. He asked for web page space in
order to vent his frustrations and to make an announcement.
"I'm upset that the Aces lost, especially to an expansion team.
How do you blow an 8-2 lead? Easy. I wasn't there to inspire them. I
wasn't there to show them the way. In no way whatsoever do I take
responsibility for the fiasco. I take one night off and the team does
that. Crap. Never again".
"John Wong, our skinny gentle giant, didn't come. He writes an
ad on the web page about how he will destroy all opponents and then he
pulls that stunt. Wong will be punished with a four game suspension
for not warning me in advance that he wouldn't come. Now I know what
you're thinking. I, Jack Lotti, was not there either, but that's okay.
I'm special, and everybody knows it. I was also serving a one game
suspension carried over from last years playoffs. I was innocent.
I appealed my case, was given a court date with judge Theo Michael,
but failed to show up because my daughter forgot to set the alarm".
"Now on to serious business. I know that Sean Ellis scored
eight goals and that he is as great a player as I. And I know
that Sean Marcellin had seven points and that he too is
comparable to me. And I know that Donat Jean Pierre is a hard
worker who produces enough to satisfy most captains. And I know
that Jimmy Garoufalis, that Jimmy Garoufalis, well I know that
he shows up to every game. These guys are okay, maybe even
better than okay. But there is somebody better. Indeed there
This message goes out to all the players in CASC: a superstar
will make his debut on Friday. When the ball drops at 9:20 to
begin the Four Aces-Bluedogs game, a new player, whose name has
never been uttered in league circles will arrive. I won't tell
you his name, because he requested anonymity to preserve the
suspense. His best character traits are his brilliance,
playmaking skills and the ability to pay 115$ in one shot. So
let me make this perfectly clear, the superstar will be there. I
guarantee it. 9:20. Opening face-off. Starting lineup. Look for
Murphy's Back: But For How Long?
read Issues 1 & 2)
He wasn't supposed to be there. The signals he had sent over
the previous month hinted that he would be retiring from hockey
forever. So what a pleasant surprise it was for all the
Bluedogs when they saw the one, the only, Mike Murphy, standing
next to them, ready to play. With a stick in his hand, with
his sweatpants torn, his hair flowing and aging body creakin'.
Just like old times. Greg Phendler said it best: "We've got
Murph back. It's all over".
It was all over. But not the way the Bluedogs planned. Despite
Murph's superhuman efforts, an early 3-0 lead and strong goaltending
from Rejean Proulx, the Bluedogs succumbed to the Renegades 6-5 on
opening night. It was a total team collapse, which is to say, Mike
had nothing to do with it. Mike was blameless and classy, and he
proved it when the game was over. He told interviewers that "the
Bluedogs didn't get it done. Kim disappeared after his two fluky
goals. We still don't know where he went but when Kim returns he
should bring an all-dressed pizza, without olives and pepperoni and
onions. Callaghan played like Callaghan which means exactly what it
means, and Fraser was too busy reading the Criminal Code between
shifts to be of any use".
"What I wanted was for my teammates to win the game for me.
I've done so much for them in the past. I've been the franchise
for so long. I deserved it. But like I said, they didn't get the
job done. When I returned tonight (Friday) it was so I could
set the standard of excellence for the future breed of Bluedogs.
Kim Nethersole, our beloved leader, begged me to come out of
retirement, and I did. He promised me a great many things but I
refused all gifts. This was on me. I told Kim that I'm a Bluedog
"The I saw us play the Renegades. What I witnessed opened my
eyes. I played my usual great game, but I was alone. Everybody
has regressed. Phendler kept missing the net by an even wider
margin than usual, which is hard to do, and Ricci broke in his
new glasses so he couldn't see a thing, and therefore played a
clean game. This made him utterly ineffective. I realize that
the Bible tells us we're all human, that we all make mistakes.
That's bull----. I 've never made mistakes. Never"
"In the next two weeks we're playing the Four Aces. If the
'Dogs don't play better, I'm out. Gone. Goodbye. I have a
legacy to protect. A reputation to preserve. That's important to
me. I want to be clear on one point. This is not an ultimatum.
This is only a threat. If the Bluedogs want to keep me badly
enough, and they obviously do, they have to play perfect hockey
in the next two weeks. That's all I've got to say."