In the Zone
by Gary Cohen
Coach CASCy's Corner
(March 18 2000) McBean: Its that time of year everyone where we meet with our own Coach CASCy for a review of the season! Good afternoon Coach CASCy and welcome to the 1999-2000 CASC Review.
Coach CASCY: Good afternoon McckkkBain. Its nice to be here.
McBean: I suppose the issue in the news everyone wants to talk about is visors. After Bryan Berard of the NHL has probably lost the sight in his right eye, do you think the CASC will take action when it comes to facial protection.
Coach CASCy: The way you spit when you talk MccckkkkBain, I think I should use facial protection. Na, but seriously folks, what happened to Berard is just a case of a european tryink to injure one of our north americank boys. You wait and see. Berard will be back, playink with only one eye. He's a tough cookie, reminds me of Terry O'Reilly in the good old days..
McBean: What about the CASC, do you think they will take any action?
Coach CASCy: This is a proud leakue. Da players donít want to block their faces from their adoring publik on the evenink sports news. Mr. Michael is da only one who wears facial protection right now.
McBean: You think he's trying to set an example.
Coach CASCy: Are you kiddink? His face is known through the country as the face of CASC. In my days, we didnít even wear jockstraps and we used real pucks on dat floor.
McBean: Is that why you've never had any kids Coach CASCy.
Coach CASCy: Never you mind dat Mckkbain.
McBean: Coach, did you think that there would be some trades at the trading deadline. This is the first season in history where no one was traded at the deadline
Coach CASCy: I was expektink to see some movement from the top teams. The Drakons needed to drop some salary and da Blizzard need some depth for da playoffs. But I'll tell you somethink right now. There were two deals that were almost made dat no one knows about. The first would have had Reggie da goalie going to da Demolition for Crompton and da right to write 'La perspective du gardien" but dat fell through quickly cuz Crompton cant write da french. Also, the Renekades, tryink to get ready for da playoffs were about to send Gary Cohen and Carl Brownk to the Drakons for Kam Patel and Real Pakkette. Did youk know dat they were drafted by the Renekades orginally.
McBean: Yes I did Coach. So what happened to that deal.
Coach CASCy: It would have given Carl Brownk a chance to play more but how many times have I told you this. And you kids at home pay attention. You donít f**k with a winnink streak.
McBean: There was a rumour that Darren Roberts was going to be traded to the dragons for Cohen,Brown 16 water bottles, 18 new balls and the rights to "In The Zone" with the option of opening up a new Web Site dedicated solely to slapshots.
Coach CASCy: Apparently the Demolition wanted more. But I'll tell you somethink right now, that Roberts kid is something else. He comes back from an injury to help his team and then gets hurt akain. Kids, your team always come before your personal health. Thatís how you win da Cup at da end of da year.
McBean: Roberts was on pace for his first 50 goal season. That would have earned him a significant raise.
Coach CASCy: What about the Myers brothers dough. Can those kids play or what?
McBean: Coach, I wanted to get your opinion on the Dragons.
Coach CASCy: Last game they had a team comprised mostly of minor leakuers. They are tryink their best to make the best out of a messy situation. The team has been plakued by bad press, internal conflikt and a leakue that has gotten a lot better. These guys will be back next year and much stronker.
Coach CASCy: Stronker.
McBean: 18 straight losses sets a new CASC record. But on the other hand, 2 teams will break the CASC record for most points and 2 more players will break the record for most points in a year.
Coach CASCy: The signing of Sean Markelin has been the most important pickup of da year. General Manager Knapp has got to be conkrakulated on dat one. The Expansion Red Phoenix play a quick,european style. Go Renekades!
McBean: The Phoenix have been truly impressive and will also have the best record for an expansion team ever. The scoring race will also be on everyone's minds during this final week of hockey. Its Marcellin vs Nguyen.
Coach CASCy: Antoine Nkuyen?
Coach CASCy: Dahn Nkuyen?
Coach CASCy: Van Thi Nkuyen?
Coach CASCy: Hung Nkuyen
Coach CASCy: There are more Nkuyens in this league than Tremlay's in da Montreal phone book!
McBean: Ba-Thuang Nguyen is the man.
Coach CASCy: I hope that Markelini wins so that at least I can pronounce his name right at the awards night.
McBean: Coach, we're running out of time. Do you have predictions for the playoffs.
Coach CASCy: Okay, I'll tell you somethink right now. There are four teams that can win this think. Even dough Michel Loiselle of Lebeau is the best goalie in da history of da world right now, these four teams will go to da semis.
McBean: Which teams are those Coach.
Coach CASCy: Renekades,Phoenix,Four Aches,and BlueDokks.
McBean: The BlueDogs are defending champs by name only, everyone knows about the split up of last year's championship team. Why do you think the Blue Dogs will advance to the semis?
Coach CASCy: They've got da best goalie in da history of da world in Reggie Proo.
McBean: I'm going to go with a Phoenix and Renegade final.
Coach CASCy: My dokks name is Blue, Mckkkbain. You never bet against your dokk.
McBean: From hockey central control in Point Ste Charles, Quebec... Will this playoff season be one to remember orÖ.be oneÖ for the dogs. Bye for now.