In His Own Words
Last week, the web page editorial staff sat down with Four Aces
defenseman John Wong for a conversation. However, at the last
possible second, John decided to conduct his own interview. At
John's request, the staff purchased a tape recorder with a
mini-cassette in order for the aforementioned Mr. Wong to relate
his thoughts in private. Here then is the first unedited
transcript of John Wong's remarks.
The Early Years
"I was born in 1963 in a village called Lies and Punishment,
just outside of Montreal. That makes me thirty years old, give
or take five years. I've led an interesting life. I've found
myself in places which some might consider fun, others might
consider dangerous, while many would not even know what the word
consider means. I've also learned a few lessons, number one
being that if you want to be the best, you have to at least give
a mediocre performance every time. People know when you suck, so
you have to at least pretend to know what you're doing.
Life started when I was five. Yes, five. The year was 1968.
My parents were visiting Chicago and they brought me along with
them. They said that the Democrats were having a convention to
elect a new leader and that they wanted to peacefully protest
Triple H's nomination. Not Hunter Hearst Helmsely, but Hubert
Humphrey. They didn't want to bring me with them but child labor
laws prevented them from leaving all by my lonesome. Anyway, so
there I was, on the balcony of the Marriott Hotel. Kids were
protesting peacefully, like good young Americans. The police did
a good job of keeping order. But I wanted to have fun. It was a
Wednesday, late August. I remember. It was boring. I mean, what
good is a rally if you can't get someone in trouble. So I took
some tear gas from my dad's suitcase (I still don't know where
it came from) and I threw it onto the street. The police started
beating up on the innocent kids and the kids started fighting b
ack. I had the time of my life. We opened the TV set and there
was the whole ugly scene. Riot police and hippie dudes and
dudettes duking it out. My father was upset and he asked me if I
was proud of myself for what I did. I said 'hell yeah' and he
hugged me. He then told me words that I'll never forget. 'Hishoi
(my real name, I use John because it allows me to fit in better)
what you did was awesome. I was mad only because you threw the
tear gas before I could.' Dad then gave me advice that I carry
with me to this day. 'Hishoi (my real name, I use John because
it is only one syllable) if you do something bad that hurts
innocent people, it's okay, just as long as it makes for great
television. This fatal protest was great television. I'm so
proud of you.' I was proud of myself as well. I had fun. I was
five. I was five.
Life started when I was eleven. It was May 1974. Washington,
D.C. My parents had passes to visit the White House on a guided
tour. Too boring. I broke away from the crowd near the Lincoln
Bedroom. As I escaped towards the corridor, I saw a door that
was half open. I then recognized a face that could only have
been Nixon. He was sitting on an Ottoman next to a half-broken
table. He looked at me, a skinny Oriental, and beckoned me clos
er. I obeyed because he was, after all, the President, and also
because I had never sat on an Ottoman before. What luxury, what
quality. I'd always wanted one. Nixon then asked me if I knew
how to operate a tape machine. He told me that he was in a bit
of trouble with the House Judiciary Committee because he had
tape-recorded conversations in the Oval Office and that the
Committee wanted those tapes. I told the President that in the
state of Maryland you could tape record conversations as long as
you have the permission of one of the parties involved.
Everybody knows that. So what's the problem. Nixon told me.
'John, the tapes are filled with vulgar language, threats to my
opponents and racist remarks. But that's okay because everybody
knows that I'm a bastard. The problem is that the tapes prove
that I obstructed justice. They prove that Dean was telling the
truth.. If they become public Haldeman and Erlichmann will hang
me out to dry. This wouldn't happen to a Kennedy. No they'd get
away with it, those bastards.' I wasn't going to put up with
this self-pity. I told the President that I'd like to be his
lawyer but my vacation was ending in two days and my grade 5
teacher wouldn't accept any more absences. I then suggested a
two pronged attack. Number one, stop stalling. Release the tapes
yourself just before the six o'clock news, so that the media
wouldn't grasp the bad stuff until later in the evening when
viewers had gone to bed. Two, go on national television and give
a great speech. And put makeup on, for gods sake. Don't forget
the Kennedy debates. Nixon agreed and then asked me again if I
knew how to operate a tape machine. 'Look John, this one tape is
pretty bad. On this I can be heard telling Haldeman to get Pat
Gray to drop the whole thing. It contradicts what I said about
not having any knowledge before June 23rd.' I have to erase it.
I have to do something". What self-pity. I took the machine,
pressed the play and record buttons simultaneously, and put the
machine in a drawer so that our voices could not be taped. This
went on for oh, I don't know, close to nineteen minutes. Nixon
was thrilled. Before I left, Nixon gave me advice that I've
never forgotten. 'John, I want you to remember three things.
One, everybody is an enemy. Trust no-one. Two, don't tape your
conversations because they can come back to haunt you. And
three, don't go to Duke Law School. Go to Harvard, like the
Kennedy's. Their dad had the money, the connections. What did I
have. Nothing. My parents were poor. They were quakers....' I
then got out of earshot. I was eleven. I was eleven.
NEXT WEEK: Part 2 of the Wong Transcripts
NEWS AND NOTES FROM AROUND THE LEAGUE
* FOUR ACES *
Jack Lotti has admitted that the mystery superstar
does not exist. Readers of EVIL, Inc, will remember that in
after the first and second games of the season, both losses,
Lotti promised that a player of immense talent and heavy wallet
would debut in Circuit Action Sports. This has not happened. And
Jack says that it will never happen because it was all just a
prank. "I didn't lie. I intentionally misled, yes. I played with
people's minds, yes. I didn't tell the truth, yes. But I never
lied. I'm insulted at the suggestion that I lied".
On a brighter note, Sean Marcellin's hamstring problem has
subsided and he should be perfectly healthy for this Friday's
clash with the Renegades. "Venus and Mars weren't aligned
properly with Jupiter's seventh moon," said Marcellin. "This
caused me pain".
They finally lost a game after two straight victories,
falling 10-3 to the Heat in a brutal performance. Forward Ralph
Reiber claimed that he was so upset at Madonna's change of
musical style that he couldn't concentrate on hockey. "Look,
when I play my usual game, we win, no question. But I couldn't
think out there. 'Ray of Light' is the worst CD ever. She used
to sing such awesome crap, you know. Like 'Holiday', 'Lucky Star
' and 'Like A Prayer'. Good slop. Great beat. Finger snapping
fun. Now Madonna says that she's all grown up and she has to
enlighten people with her music. What crap. I just want to know
why do people have to mature as they grow older. Take me, for
instance. I've never matured." Defenseman Nick Kohner, when
asked to reply to Ralph's statement, said "It's no secret that
Ralph has never matured, we knew that already. I'm just
surprised he would admit it publicly."
* BLUEDOGS *
There are rumblings inside the 'Dogs compound. Many
players, notably Kim Nethersole and Mike Callaghan, are upset
with Mike Murphy's performance. Readers might recall that in an
extended interview before the season began, Murph contemplated
retirement as a way of finishing his career on a high, since he
did win the CASC title single-handedly for the 'Dogs last April.
Then, as a gesture of friendship to his teammates, Murph suited
up for opening night, saw the 'Dogs struggle and then threatened
to leave after the third game if the situation did not improve.
Well, the third game was completed Friday night, the 'Dogs won
8-6 over the Aces, and Murph didn't say a word. What's going on?
What's going on is that Kaptain Kim Nethersole has become
disenchanted with Murph's play. "Mike is living off his
reputation. He doesn't have it anymore. Maybe he should have
quit like he originally planned," said Kim. Mike Callaghan was
even more blunt. "Mike Murphy's only positive quality at this
moment is that he shares the same first name as me. If he doesn'
t improve he's out." The Bluedogs have, in the past,
successfully kept internal squabbles from becoming public. Now,
however, not even team lawyer Fraser Baird can prevent 'Dog
players from speaking to journalists. As Fraser has said
repeatedly, "I allow my teammates to say anything they want to
members of the press just as long as they hold to the party line
and say nice things about me."
This situation is bound to worsen before it gets better. For
up-to-date info keep reading EVIL, Inc.
* BLIZZARD *
Robert Staric was thrilled at the article written
about him in last weeks EVIL, Inc. This despite the author's
blatant attempt to publicize Staric's need for attention.
Blizzard captain Anthony Ferreira said it best. "Robert saw that
his name was spelled correctly and was used often. He called all
his friends and told them to read the article. Robert told me
that this would prove to his chums that he indeed plays in a
league. It seems his friends were skeptical that any team would
want Robert on it. I wonder why."
* RENEGADES *
Ian Foster came back from vacation, saw the standings
and promptly got pissed off. "The team is 2-0 without me. This
does nothing to my value. Why couldn't they at least tie a
game." Ian was also surprised that Paul Iacurto was still on the
Renegades. "Paul, didn't Peter (Knapp, team kaptain) get rid of
you already. He hates your guts." Paul smiled, acted
non-chalant, but it was obvious to all that this was just an
external façade. Ian has publicly said that he would never play
on a team which had a WWF fan on it, and Paul is a huge WWF fan.
Ian made an exception on Friday because his car was in the
garage and he couldn't leave until after the game was over,
since Chris Nadeau was giving him a ride home.
Mark Beaudry has started a campaign to introduce plus/minus
stats. It seems that Mark is upset that Angelo D'Agostino keeps
saying that he is the better defenseman, that Mark is always on
the floor when the Renegades give up a goal. Not surprisingly,
Double A with a D apostrophe refused, saying that this would be
too difficult to implement. The truth, however, is this,
according to forward Joe Lazarra. "Ang is old. His body is
creaking. He doesn't want to face reality and we can't afford it
if he did. Where are we going to get 110 big ones. No, it's best
we don't hurt his feelings. Will you be my friend. I have so few
* HEAT *
The Heat is on. One week after being humiliated 12-3 at
the hands of the Renegades, the Heat destroyed the Dragons 10-3.
Despite their success this Friday, Chris Campbell still refuses
to allow anyone except Martin Bouffard to speak to the press.
Bouffard, by coincidence, was absent on Friday, which did two
thing. One, it automatically made the Heat a better team, and
two, it gave members of the press a reason not to speak to him.
Nobody wants to speak with Martin. Eric Roy played an excellent
game, and as a result is asking silently if he could be the one
who speaks on the record for the Heat instead of Martin. It
seems Eric is one member of the Heat who doesn't hate people as
a rule and doesn't dislike journalists in particular