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THE SEANSTER, THE GREATEST†††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††† 
 
November 23 1999
 
Sean Marcellin of the Inverness Pub Renegades, the leagueís MVP and leading 
scorer for the 1998-99 season, is the new CASC salary champion. Marcellin signed 
a 3 year deal with the Renegades that will earn him $25 million US this season, 
$30 million US next season and $40 million US in the 2001-02 season. Seanís 
deal literally dwarfs Mike Murphy unprecedented 1998-99 contract that paid him 
a handsome $15 million US per year.
 
After many unsuccessful negotiation sessions in some of the finest hotels in 
downtown Montreal, the Seanster finally inked the deal on Saturday September 
4th 1999 in La Macaza Quebec. Call the Marcellin deal the Macaza Lake Accord. 
Hereís a brief history of the moments leading up to the biggest contract 
signing in ball hockey history.
 
September had rolled around the corner and the greatest player in CASC history 
still remained unsigned. The Seanster was weighing his options carefully; other
than the Inverness Pub Renegades, 2 other franchises were also vying for his 
services. Renegades owner Peter Knapp heard through the grapevine that the 
Renegades were the front runners in the Marcellin sweepstakes and therefore 
tried to dupe him into signing for less money than he was really worth. Peter 
was living up to his penny pinching reputation like never before; he was quoted
in the July 1999 issue of the Sporting News as "refusing to mortgage the teamís 
financial health for the benefit of 1 player". But why? All of last yearís 
Renegade home games in their brand new, state-of-the-art "Prima Donna Center" 
were complete sellouts and the money was pouring in big time. But Peter was 
rumored to be investing his huge budget surplus in money laundering activities,
instead of spending the extra cash on player salaries. He has also been under 
scrutiny for betting on his own games. CASC president Theo Michael has 
appointed a special commitee to look into this situation.
 
In late August, all talks between the Sean and the Peter had totally broken 
down. In an eleventh hour attempt to sign the Seanster, Peter convened him as 
well as teammates Paul Iacurto, Chris Nadeau and Gary Cohen to his La Macaza c
ottage on Saturday September 4th 1999. "Maybe the country air will put some 
sense into him. No more fancy hotels" said a discouraged Knapp. 
 
Veteran defenseman Chris Nadeau knew first hand about Peterís reluctance to 
spend on player salaries. "I have 1 CASC championship, 1 Concordia championship 
and Iím also the 3rd highest scoring defenseman in CASC history and Iím only
earning 5 million a year. I find that insulting for a player of my caliber. My 
wife is pregnant and I need financial security for my family. Plus I need more 
beer money. But itís all because of Paulís huge contract that Pete cannot pay 
us market value. That scrawny separatist earns $14 million a year and for what 
reason? All he knows how do is to pull those fancy little passes out of
his ass. And besides, heís a separatist. He voted for the ADQ in the last 
election. If he dares to vote Yes in the next referendum, well, I got a problem
solver and his name is revolver
 
After an enjoyable ride up to the cottage, the La Macaza negotiations began at 
2pm sharp. Peter appointed Mr Jack Daniel as a special mediator for the 
Marcellin negotiations. Daniel flew down from his Tennessee home in his private
jet. The Seanster did not waste any time in making his demands be felt: "I want
$25 million US a year for the first year, limousine service to the gym,
a personal female trainer and my own luxury box so my family and friends can 
watch my games". Peter was livid: "Are you out of your fu.. mind? Iíll give you
2 million CDN a season, a skateboard, your friends and family can watch the 
games in the cheap seats and as far as a personal female trainer goes that is 
also out of the question, but Iíll gladly fix you a date with skanky Susan
from the Inverness Pub".
 
"You donít pay, I donít play" said Sean
"Iím broke, Sean. Here, have another shot of JD" said Peter
We suddenly heard the sound of gravel pulling up the driveway. Sean took a 
peep out the window and noticed a blue Toyota
Tercel "Hey guys, whoís the rudy pooh that drives a blue Toyota Tercel?", said 
Sean
 
Surely enough, it was Fraser "elbows" Baird of the Bluedogs who made an 
impromptu appearance at the cottage.
 
"Hi guys! Howís the coolest team in ball hockey doing today? 
You guys rule and I want to be part of your team. The Bluedogs are nothing but 
a bunch of mamaís boys and I want out. Iím dying to be a Renegade; the talented 
players, the comradeship, the fanfare, the spotlight, the attention, the 
following, the entourage, the parties and the drinking. The Bluedogs are bores 
and besides the only girls that come to watch our games are from the convent. 
Can I play for you guys this season?"
 
Chris, Peter, Gary and Paul all answered in unison: "No"
 
Fraser continued. "Címon guys, please, please, please, with a cherry on top. 
I want to be part of the orange and black attack"
"You want to be a Renegade Mr Fraz? Okay, hereís the dare: Iíll take you water 
skiing. If you can manage to stay upright on your skis for 5 minutes without 
falling, youíre in" said Peter
"Iím ready" said Fraser
 
Peter whipped up the power boat and promptly slammed the pedal to the metal. 
The hard acceleration did not phase Fraz who managed to stay in an upright 
position. All of a sudden, Peter resorted to a series of hard twists and turns 
that made the water ripple at shoreline. Fraser could no longer hold on; his 
legs went in opposite directions and his entire body was tied in knots by
the rope. He also swallowed the handle bar. He plummeted to the water with a 
resulting bruise on his right thigh. Fraser was in tears but Peter felt no 
remorse as he was pulling his sorry ass out of the water.
 
"Looks like another long season with the Bluedogs. Try not to drink too much 
with the girls from the convent" said Peter
 
Theo "the sanctioner" Michael had just arrived at the cottage and took the 
opportunity to gather up everyone. He seems to bring his dictatorial attitude 
everywhere he goes: "I will not tolerate any shenanigans today. Anyone who 
throws a cigarette butt into the lake will be suspended 1 game. Anyone who 
throws a roach into the lake will be suspended 5 games and anyone who
throws a beer bottle into the lake will be suspended for the entire season"
 
Back to the business at hand. It would be agreed that the Marcellin 
negotiations would resume very shortly, but not before a touch football game. 
It was Peter and Chris versus Paul and Sean. Mr Jack Daniel was the lone 
spectator for the game. A round of whisky followed every touchdown. Game over: 
Seanster and Paulster win 24-17. Peter was feeling particularly woozy after the 
game. He felt sick but still wanted more sauce.
"More boooooooooze" yelled Peter.
 
"Now is the time to take advantage of this dope" said Sean who ran into the 
cottage and headed straight to Peterís office. Sean, a former locksmith, easily
broke into Peterís filing cabinet with a simple coat hanger. He flipped through
all the sections of the filing cabinet: 
 
 
SECTION 1 - UNDER CONTRACT
Angelo DíAgostino, Darryl Vineberg, Chris Nadeau, Gary Cohen, Carl Brown, 
Paul Iacurto, Billy Mark, Jason Thivierge, Billy Gorsky, Steve Bleau and 
Ian Foster. 
 
SECTION 2 - STILL NEGOTIATING
Sean Marcellin
 
SECTION 3 - WANNABE RENEGADE WHO BRINGS HIS GYM BAG TO CONCORDIA AND WHO ALSO
FOUND HIS WAY IN THE 1999 CONCORDIA CHAMPIONSHIP PICTURE
John Wong 
 
 
Sean forged Peterís hand writing and carefully altered the terms of his deal. 
He penciled himself in for 25 million US for the 1999-2000 season, $30 million 
in 2000-01 and $40 million US in 2001-02. A $15 million dollar signing bonus 
was also added. Sean erased the skateboard and "evening with the skanky Susan" 
clauses and added his original demands for a luxury box, limousine service, a 
personal female trainer and also threw in a smaller luxury box so his beautiful
dog Brando can watch all Renegade home games. "Who would want to go out with 
Susan anyway?" said Sean
 
Sean folded the contract and stepped outside. A piss drunk Peter was leaning 
against the shed while holding his stomach. The vomit would soon erupt like a 
volcano. Sean quickly handed him a pen and told him to sign on the dotted line.
The negotiations had finally come to an end. Peter signed the contract. A 
green, red and brown puke morsel stained the bottom of the contract.
 
It was a done deal. Sean stepped into the power boat, gazed at the stars and 
laughed his head off. 
 
Fast forward to November 1999. Sean is a happy to be part of the Renegades. 
The team sits atop the CASC standings and the Seanster leads the league in 
scoring (as usual). The Renegades have never played so well, with only 2 losses 
in their last 25 games. And Fraser still wants to be a Renegade; that will 
never change
 
Sean has it all: fame, fortune and he has recently been named the sexiest man 
in the CASC league by a poll conducted in the CASC Womenís Division. Sean won 
the award in a cakewalk; Kim Nethersole of the Bluedogs, sporting a new super 
70ís puffy hairdo, finished a distant second in the voting. "The results of 
the poll are just like we anticipated" said Suzanne Solomon of the Monkland 
Mavericks ". Jimmy "the egomaniac" Garoufalis was crushed by the results: 
"What! Iím not the sexiest man in CASC? I spit polish my head every day for 
crying out loud"
 
The CASC Womenís Division Players Association published their press release 
only a few hours after the results of the poll.
 
 
 
November 15 1999,
The CASC Womenís Division unanimously recognizes that Sean "the magnet" 
Marcellin of the Inverness Pub Renegades is the sexiest man in CASC. We really 
like Kim Nethersoleís new fro but Sean is our favorite by far. There is an 
aura of rugged, masculine meat about Sean that we women of the CASC Womenís 
Division cannot resist. We get weak in the knees and our hearts are all 
a-flutter when we see Sean.
 
The Players Association has also drafted a recommendation that we will send to 
Mr Marcellin advising him to no longer come to any of our games since we cannot
concentrate on hockey as soon as he enters the gymnasium.
 
 
 
Epilogue 
A good time was had by all at Peterís cottage on Saturday September 4th 1999. 
Paula Dťry proved beyond the shadow of a doubt that sheís a better water 
skiier than Fraser. 
Peter got piss drunk
Sean and Chris laughed their heads off in the power boat at 2am
Sean and Chris BBQíd at 4am
Paul heard Chris snoring from one bedroom away
Maxime and Zoe had dinner together
 
 
To Sean,
I am ecstatic that you decided to stick with the Renegades following our 1999 
Concordia championship. You are the greatest player in CASC history and the 
greatest player I have ever played with. I am hopeful that we will finish our 
ball hockey careers as teammates. You have been the greatest influence in my 
ball hockey career. We share that competitive edge and winning desire that 
fuels us to perform at a top notch level week after week. Playing on the same 
line as you has been nothing but a blast. Youíre a super guy and I have a great
deal of respect for you.