Feb. 20th 1999
 
Evil Inc. Issue #Who Knows
 
 
 FINALLY, AN UPDATE
 
 .
There is a reason why there has not been an update on Jimmy 
Garoufalis'web site, appropriately called "EVIL, Inc". A certain 
league member, who shall remain anonymous (at least for this week) 
won a court order preventing me, the Great One, from publishing an 
article, a feature article on said players life. 
 
Because of the torment I faced when confronted by this players 
attorney, who was none other than Fraser Baird, Esquire (Bluedogs 
Captain), I was unable to bring myself to type anything into my
computer. "EVIL, Inc" was dead. Kaput. One player, one damn player
 with a litigous mind and a heartless soul, deprived all the 
wonderful readers of "EVIL, Inc" from their weekly entertainment.
 
Those days are over. I, Jimmy G, am back. Back for good. Back 
forever and ever, ready to thrill my devoted fans with true tales 
of things I can get away with, with facts I can make up and lies 
that are probably true. I hope you enjoy, and may that player burn 
in hell.
 
 
 
 RENEGADES: What's Wrong?
 
What is wrong with this team? Many things, but I will concentrate on 
only three of them.
 
(1)Ian Foster: Once a legend in his own mind, now he's a legend 
without a mind, and he never had much up there to begin with. Ian 
started struggling after he watched "Shaft", just before the holidays.
Before he saw Shaft, Ian was an easy going guy without a care in the 
world, mainly because he was apathetic. Then he saw the film, you 
know the one, with Richard Roundtree, the hipster cop, or detective, 
or whatever the hell he was. Ian has never been the same since. 
"Dude, you know, like, huh, yeah, baby, allright, groove, quick, my 
yeah, awesome, whatever", are Ian's catchphrases now. And that's 
when Ian is actually understood. Where have you gone, Ian Foster? 
A nation turns its lonely eyes to you. 
 
(2)Paul Iacurto: Paul, once upon a time led the league in goal 
scoring and points. He also had the hottest web site going, 
appropriately called "The 'I' Files". Paul always said that the "I" 
had a double meaning, one for his name, Iacurto (I: get it) and two
because it resembled the number 1, which Paul felt that he was in 
everything he did. (Who's number one now, big shot?)
 
Then Paul, like Ian, changed his outlook on life. He started taking 
his writing seriously. "I have many fans who hang on my every word. 
I owe them better stories, better structure, longer, more meaningful
paragraphs. I, therefore, will go to writing school", said Paul, 
just before Christmas.
 
What Paul didn't know, or probably did but didn't want to admit it, 
is that his fans liked his writing for one reason: yes it sucked, 
but at least it was short and had the journalistic standards of Jack 
Todd.
 
But Paul went to writing school anyway, and his dream changed from 
being barely understandable in a pathetic type of way, to believing 
he was the second coming of Earnest Hemingway. Paul was respected by 
everyone at the academy, from the janitor who listened to Paul 
ramble on about his dream of becoming an opera star to the secretary 
who refused his advances.
 
Paul became a better writer, although now nobody can understand him 
(which explains why he is such a good writer) But his hockey 
suffered. He became an average player. Now, Paul can be heard
lamenting in the halls of Westmount High School every Friday. "I had 
to improve my sentence structure. I had to go back to school. Nobody
 cares about quality? I was so much better when I sucked."
 
(3)Joe Lazzara: Once upon a time, Joe had three personalities and he 
hated both of them. Now he has four personalities and he forgot to 
count, so he's not sure how many he's got, let alone which ones he
doesn't get along with.
 
 
 
 Blizzard
 
After having spent a day interviewing Leonard Luedee, Blizzard 
goaltender and league stalwart, I came to the realization that 
journalism might not be for me. I tried to put paragraphs together 
that would explain the essence of Leonard, but instead I will let 
Leonard tell you himself.
 
The Wit And Wisdom Of Leonard Luedee
On winning: "Winning is fun because teammates don't complain as much 
as when they lose
 
On waking up in the morning: "It's not bad when you get used to it"
 
On slapshots from the point: "Just get in front and stop it. How 
hard can it be?"
 
On slapshots from the slot: "Just get in front and stop it. How hard 
can it be?"
 
On wrist shots from in close: "Just get in……(you get the idea)
 
On teamwork: "Teamwork is when everyone says you win as a team and 
you lose because of certain individuals"
 
On responsibility: "Responsibility is blaming others if, no, not if, 
but when, something goes wrong"
 
On Robert Staric, Blizzard Captain: "This section is off the record, 
right. I don't want this coming out"
 
On hard work: "Overrated. I get by on skill alone. Hard work isn't 
for me".
 
On literature: "I've read all the greats. Tolstoy, Red Fisher, 
Hemingway, Pat Hickey, Fitzgerald and Jack Todd. Paul Iacurto too.
 
On the importance of preparation: "Nah, that's not for me. I like to 
wing it and see what happens".
 
There's more. It should be printed soon.
 
 
 
 Some Nicknames on the Four Aces
 
 A Work In Progress
 Sean Marcellin "Benz"
 Philippe "Is" Gaudreau
  John "King" Wong
 Donat "Shop" Jean Pierre
 
Like was mentioned, a work in progress indeed.