Issue #9
November 11th, 1998
THE DEBUT OF "ASK THE LEGEND": An Advice Column
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This is the first in a series of weekly advice columns in
which 'EVIL, Inc'. writer Jimmy Garoufalis will publish answers to
the burning questions of the day, asked by you, the readers and
players of Action Circuit Sports. This column is another example of
the 'EVIL, Inc' superiority when it comes to giving readers what
they want: entertainment with facts mixed in. Other CASC web pages,
despite their higher ratings, simply do not have the wherewithal to
do likewise. To have your questions answered, E-mail the Legend
at HYPERLINK mailto:jimmygar@colba.net jimmygar@colba.net
Dear Legend, My name is Ragesh Patel and I play for the
Dragons. I want to bet on who will win the Survivor Series tournament
this Sunday.Also, who do you think will be Mankind's mystery partner.
I need your advice. Help me. Signed/ Raging in Dragonland.
To Raging .In Dragonland// Your question is a very good one
and I will answer it for you. These are the odds that I'm laying
down for those who are in your position.
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"Stone Cold" Steve Austin
ODDS: 2 to 1
Why Austin will win?
Stone Cold is the main eventer. Austin gets an audience for WWF
PayPerView, gets ratings for Raw and Heat and his merchandise sells
like no one else in sports today. His first two matches will be easy,
first against the Boss Man and then most probably versus Steven Regal.
With enough rest, Stone Cold will be able to go up against Mankind
in the semi's before winning the final.
Why Austin won't win? Four matches in one night? Are you
kidding? With his body being in the shape that it's in. It would
require very fast matches early in the evening that would make it
obvious that the fix is in. NO, it's a good bet that Austin be
disqualified against the Boss Man in the round of 16, then make
an appearance later to help the eventual champion in the final,
just to make McMahon mad.
Prediction: Meet the new WWF champion, Stone Cold Steve Austin. Let's face it. He's the man.
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"The Rock" Rocky Maivia
ODDS: 3 to 1
Why will the Rock win?
The name of the December PayPerView is 'Rock Bottom'. This means 1
of 2 things. Either he defends the belt for the 1st time at a PPV
that bears his name, or that he wins the belt at the PPV that bears
his name. Also, he is in the best physical condition of any other
wrestler in the tournament, save for Shamrock perhaps. It wouldn't
be a stretch for the WWF to make him win four gruelling contests in
one night and make it look believable. It would also give added
heat to his growing battle against McMahon.
Why The Rock won't win?
The WWF wants his 1st title reign to start with Wrestlemania XV in
March. Therefore, they want to build up his character to the point
where fans will accept his being a main eventer before giving him
the belt. And having him lose in a controversial fashion will give
added heat to his growing battle with McMahon. A win-win proposition
for the WWF.
Prediction: The Rock will lose in the final, after having
given every last ounce in his body. A new hero is born, a new main
eventer is in the fold, and RAW kicks NITRO's butt for the
foreseeable future.
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The Undertaker
ODDS: 5 to 1
Why The Undertaker will win?
He lost cleanly to Austin at Summer Slam 98 in August. He's had
to go through his main event championship matches at Breakdown
(September) and Judgement Day (October), knowing that McMahon did
not want the belt won by anyone, so as to continue the current
storyline. In short, the Undertaker is owed for his cooperation.
The 'Taker has also been given a low profile since Judgement Day,
perhaps so fans could not guess at his winning the tournament. Two
more reasons to take the Taker. One, having been given a bye into
the round of 8, means having to fight one less match, which is good
given his condition of late. And two, his tombstone is one of three
symbols on the official Survivor Series poster.
Why The Undertaker won't win?
The last time a tournament like this was held to determine the
new WWF Champion was at Wrestlemania IV (1988). Two wrestlers were
given a bye, Andre the Giant and Hulk Hogan, in order to face each
other in the round of 8. Similar to the Survivor Series this year
with Kane and Undertaker. In 1988 Hogan and the Giant fought to a
double disqualification. History will probably be repeated.
Prediction: A double DQ with Kane, which will only fuel
their already stale rivalry. If The Undertaker somehow beats his
brother Kane, however, don't be surprised if he goes to the final
and wins.
Unlikely, but
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Ken Shamrock
ODDS: 7 to 1
Why Shamrock will win?
He's Vinny Mac's corporate champion. He's in excellent condition,
and just like the Rock, can wrestle four matches in one night and
make it look believable to the fans.
He's hated by the fans because of his new bad guy character,
and winning the title will make him even more popular (in terms of
recognition factor) Unlike the Rock, however, who is in a win-win
situation, the WWF can't make a mistake by having Shamrock lose.
Why Shamrock won't win?
His acting, his microphone work is not up to snuff yet. He's not a
bonafide main eventer just yet, and even by winning, he may not jump
to that level.
Prediction: Shamrock loses to the Rock in the round of 8.
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Mankind
ODDS: 12 to 1
Why Mankind will win?
Let’s face it. After all the crazy falls he has taken, he's owed
that much. His creation, Mr. Socko, has become just as popular in a
few short weeks. If Mankind wins, McMahon would be able to utilize
Mick Foley's amazing acting ability and wrestling skill to start up
any number of potential rivalries and incredibly funny situations.
Also, Foley has been in the main event of a PPV four times so far in
1998, so fans are accustomed to seeing this demented individual in
the crunch.
Why Mankind won't win?
Let's face it. After all the crazy falls he has taken, he is not in
condition to battle it out for four matches in one night. The fans
are just not ready to see Mick Foley as champion, deciding instead
to revel in his amazing ability to entertain in whatever gimmick
he's given.
Prediction: Mankind loses to Austin in the semifinals, gives
the best interview of the night, popularizes Mr. Socko even more
just in time for the Christmas buying season (what a coincidence)
and steals the show.
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Kane
ODDS: 30 to 1
Why Kane will win?
He's played the role of the deranged dentist, he's played the role
of the fake Diesel. Give him a break. He's a better wrestler than
people give him credit for, although not that much better. He's held
the title once before, although only for a day. If he wins the belt,
the WWF might make him unmask to show his true identity, as well as
make him speak without the device on his neck. The perfect choice to
win the tournament if the WWF wants the Rock to win it at the
December PPV.
Why Kane won't win?
He's played the role of the deranged dentist and he failed at it. He
then played the role of the fake Diesel and he failed again. He's
held the most important title in the wrestling industry for a day.
He's an average wrestler. Give him a break, you say? This mediocre
guy has been given a gimmick, found himself in the main event five
PPV's in a row and you say give him a break. Kane has to fall
on his hands and knees and accept whatever he's given, because there
are others ten times more talented who never get this opportunity.
As for the publicity that would be generated by Kane winning, then
unmasking and speaking. Well, the WWF can make him unmask and speak
without giving him the industry's biggest prize for a second time.
Prediction: Double DQ with the Undertaker. If Kane should
beat his brother, he would then lose to Shamrock or Rock. Either
way, no semifinal berth for Kane.
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THE OTHERS
As for the others in the tournament, there's not much to say.
Triple H Hunter Hearst Helmsely is entered only to give the tourney
more brand-name appeal, given that he is still recovering from knee
surgery. Al Snow and Jeff Jarrett are a pair of jobbers fighting
over who will lose to Mankind in the round of 8. Goldust is entered
for god knows why. As for Xpac and Steven Regal, the winner will
lose to Austin immediately after.
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MANKINDS MYSTERY OPPONENT
The only question remaining is: who will Mankind's mystery
opponent be? There are three options to choose from: Shawn Michaels,
Terry Funk and Mick Foley himself. Now lets discuss each possibility.
Shawn Michaels: If Shawn Michaels was going to make his comeback at
the Survivor Series, the WWF would have promoted it to the hilt in
order to maximize their profit potential as well as increase
their chances of winning the ratings war with WCW. Odds: 50 to 1
Terry Funk: Mankind/Foley have had unbelievable matches in the past,
and this might be yet one more. However, Funk isn't exactly a brand
name anymore, and maybe that's why WWF hasn't exactly promoted the
fact that Mankind doesn't have a first round scheduled. Odds: 25 to 1
Dude Love/Cactus Jack: Remember the Royal Rumble from this past
January. You know, Foley starts the Rumble as Cactus Jack, gets
eliminated, comes back in the middle of the Rumble as Mankind, gets
eliminated again, then comes back at the end as the Dude, gets
eliminated. I don't think it could be done, but if anyone can
find a way, it's the WWF. Odds: 75 to 1
Prediction: Mankind meets Terry Funk, beats Terry Funk.
Mankind is taken out on a stretcher, is brought to a nearby hospital.
When his 2nd round match with Al Snow is about to start (or against
Jeff Jarrett, it really doesn't matter), there is no Mankind, since
he's in the hospital. However, Dude Love's music begins and the
crowd goes nuts. Dude Love beats his opponent before losing to
Austin in the semi's.
There you have it Raging in Dragonland. My thoughts on who
will win the Survivor Series tournament this Sunday.
We have space for one more question on this weeks "ASK THE
LEGEND"
Dear Legend,
My name is Kim Nethersole and I'm the captain of the Bluedogs.
I've been having problems with my slapshot lately. I used to shoot
hard but now I can release no better than a small wrist shot. What's
wrong, and can you help me?
Signed/ Kaptain in komplete konfusion.
Dear Kaptain in komplete konfusion,
There are 2 reasons for your struggles and here they are:
you're getting old and your shot was never that good to begin with.
What are you, 40 already. Your best days are behind you, you're
overrated and you can't hit the net even if you prayed every night
for a year. Don't take it personally though, kaptain in komplete
konfusion , because I'm sure that you have friends what will lie to
you and tell you that you still have what it takes. I mean, what are
friends for.