**** STATISTICALLY OBSESSED ****
 by Gary Cohen
 
November 3 1999
 
For those of you who don’t know me, I play forward on the Inverness Pub 
Renegades. I have been playing off and on for the last 4 years and have 
decided to share my addiction to hockey and sports in general with those 
of you who read these pages. Any comments about what I write can be sent 
to gary@cobrocores.com 
 
 
From my first shift in Atom Houseleague in 1981, I can remember myself 
being obsessed with statistics. I don’t quite know where this came from 
or why it is but it is a fact. Back then, the coach would read off the 
scoresheet like it were the bible. I still remember my 51 point season 
in Atom. Of course, my friend Carl had 52 points that year (see #52 on 
the current list)
 
As I grew older, the stats meant more and more to me. Some teams put a lot 
of emphasis on them by printing off actual team scoring leaders which made 
it practically impossible to not become a junkie. Except for that one 
sturdy stay at home defenseman/captain type and the goalie (who actually 
were probably just as obsessed with getting an assist), we all gathered 
around the listing like it were our college entrance exam scores (I guess 
this applies if you are american which I am not) 
 
Even now, I find myself checking for the CASC stats almost immediately the 
next day, hoping Paul had somehow stayed up all night entering the data 
into the web page. My girlfriend (see #10 of current women’s list) 
wonders how I can spend almost 25 minutes scouring the hockey and baseball 
stats in the Gazette, as if looking for some magical clue to a lost 
treasure. Sure, I am in a pool, and I want to see how my twenty players 
did but it doesn’t take 30 minutes to do this, does it? She has almost 
taken to hiding the sports pages when they come in and passing me the 
useless sections like the weekender or Section W (Book reviews??) So I 
started to keep track of which types of wines got the best average amount 
of stars…
 
But don’t get me wrong. When the game is close and the intensity level is 
higher than a Gaston Gingras slap shot, I am there to win. But that 
doesn’t mean I wont be able to rattle off any statistic I might have 
accumulated in the last 60 minutes with a sly smile.
 
I think deep down we all grew up looking at the scoring leaders in the 
paper, imaging our name on top (or in my case, #21), showing anybody who 
cared enough to read, that we are the best. And theres nothing wrong with 
that. There’s nothing wrong with looking at the CASC web site and trying 
to find yourself among the mess of players battling it out for anywhere 
from #2 to #70. Its fun. It adds a dimension to the game that makes the 
game seem a little bit more like the pros. My sister (see #16 on current 
women’s list) always loved watching hockey too but never was she able to 
recite Anders Hedberg’s career statistics right down to the penalty minute.
 
As long as you don’t put yourself before the team by staying on the floor 
for ten minutes at a time trying to get that extra advantage and as long 
as you don’t walk over to Kam and slip him a twenty looking for that 
second assist on one of those scramble in front of the net goals.
 
All the CASC championship winning teams were good teams who played really 
well as a single unit. The ‘99 Bluedogs are a good example of this as are 
the ’97 Screaming Maniacs captained by my brother-in-law-to-be Peter 
Knapp (see #20 on the current list ),
 
So don’t take it so hard when you see me pass you in the scoring leaders 
in the next few weeks and take heart in the fact that your team is playing 
great or is improving at a wicked rate. And if you happen to pass me…
 
Well, I think I’ve got some extra twenties hanging around here somewhere…