November 13 1998 
CASC TEAM REVENUES ON THE RISE
 
 
Every team now plays in a brand new Ball Hockey Complex
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In only it’s third year of existence, the growing popularity of the 
CASC hockey league has not only meant better than expected merchandise
sales (see previous article) but also growing team revenues. With 
this enormous cash flow, every CASC franchise has built a brand new 
Ball Hockey Complex. 
 
Let’s look at some of the characteristics of each facility.
 
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 HEAT
 Blowtorch
 Built: 1997
 
 The Blowtorch features 28 luxury suites just 20 rows from the 
playing surface and another tier of 43 on the middle level. The 
upper level called "Martin Bouffard’s Crybaby Corner" is a section 
where the under 18 crowd can enjoy a game. The outside of the complex
reflects state-of-the-art Lego Block design. Before entering the 
complex you cannot help but be amazed by the 75 foot high Ken and 
Barbie statue. Every seat in the Blow Torch is made of 100% pure 
Mecano Play Set Metal covered with Huggies Diaper Cushion; each seat
also comes with a lollipop, pacifier and the Heat’s 1998-99 Play 
School Coloring Book that you can scribble on in between periods. 
 
When Ball Hockey isn’t on the agenda, the complex can be partitioned
into ten TV recording studios where the Heat’s favorite kiddie shows 
are recorded including Sesame Steeet, Mr Dressup, Frisinette and 
Les Satelipopettes
 
The Blowtorch is the only complex with a complete Kiddie Park where 
the Heat like to spend their days off. 
 
At the Kiddie Park you can:
- climb behind the wheel of a Kiddie Jeep
- navigate your own Boat as it cruises through the water full of 
Rubber Duckies
- ride Real Ponies around the corral with you favorite Heat player
- feel the excitement of riding the prancing horses of the Carousel
- glide along the rails on the Kiddie Acres Train
 
Wednesday is Discount Day. Call for details.
Mention any Heat player and get 50% off the regular admission fee
 
The Blowtorch is also the only complex with an Internet café. Just 
turn on your computer and any Heat player will guide you through 
the easy steps of ballot box stuffing at the CASC Web page.
 
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 BLIZZARD
 Ice Storm Palace
 Built: 1996
 Capacity: 25125
 
The Ice Storm palace is the biggest venue in the CASC with a 
capacity of 25 125 seats. This complex can be transformed 
effortlessly from Ball Hockey rink to boxing ring in a few minutes. 
After every Blizzard home game, forward Frank Wolfe puts on the 
boxing gloves and his Everlast trunks, and puts forward a challenge 
to anyone in the crowd who’s brave enough to duke it out with 
Big Frankie, the self proclaimed CASC Heavyweight Champ.
 
The Ice Storm Palace also has an eight-sided Mitsubishi Diamond 
Vision Mark III video scoreboard. It also has the acoustic design 
of a concert hall with revolutionary BOSE technology. In between 
periods, you can see the Frank Wolfe video where he gives the crowd 
the finger and tells them to "Fu.. off" and "Go to hell".
 
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 BLUEDOGS
 Dog Pound
 Built: 1996
  Capacity: 20975
 
The Dog Pound is one of the most beautiful buildings in the CASC. 
Opened in March 1996, its features include marble concourses, glass 
archways and brass fittings. The exterior of the complex consists 
of 12 foot illegal wooden stick walls which extend around the 
building. Illegal wooden sticks are also used to outline the 
building’s most identifiable feature - the Allan Ramdeen CASC Stunt 
Man statue.. Fraser Baird’s focus on law practice is apparent a the 
Dog Pound with its complete law library located at the 3rd level.
 
 
Other exclusive features of the Dog Pound include:
 
- Darren Robert’s kissing booth: Darren invited all you ladies to 
kiss the hottest lips in Montreal. Darren claims to have kissed 
over 50 000 satisfied women. "Other than to cook and clean for me, 
a woman’srole is to kiss my luscious lips" says a modest Robert. 
 
Darren’s pretentious promotions: 
* 1 kiss 2.99 cents
** 2 kisses for $4.00
****** 6 kisses for $10 and s free home made Blueberry Stud Muffin
 
- Spatting with Kim talk show: Kim Nethersole animates a 2 hour talk 
show before very Bluedog home game where Kim defends his position 
in regards with his weekly feuds with teammates
 
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  DRAGONS
 Dragons Lair
 Built: 1998
 Capacity: 23980
 
Dragons fans love their team and their complex, which has been 
selling to a 97% capacity in the team’s inaugural season, even with 
Kamlesh Patel’s policy of high ticket prices.
 
The Dragons have one of the more exciting game openings in the 
league. Players only have ten seconds to run through the mouth of a 
giant 17-foot Dragon who is swinging two giant 12 foot hockey sticks 
at the players heads. The Dragon’s name is Mr Reiber the Stick 
Swinger.
 
The Dragon’s lair also includes 136 private boxes, 2500 Club Seats, 
a giant full color scoreboard with animation and the Real Paquette 
unisexe Hair Salon.
 
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 RENEGADES 
 Shooting Gallery
 Built: 1996
 Capacity: 21390
 
 The Shooting Gallery became the Renegades home in January 1996. 
Situated at 1950 Murder Blvd. Right across from the Military Unit 
in Westmount, the 600 000 square foot complex is especially designed 
for Ball Hockey but will house over 150 events annually with seated 
capacity expanded to 22 000 for Roller Derby and 25 000 for the 
annual Female Strippers of North America reunion.
 
 
Other exclusive features of the Shooting gallery include:
 
- Chris Nadeau’s burpateria: located at the Mezzanine level, the 
burpateria is the most popular attraction at the Shooting Gallery. 
It’s a burping contest where you have to burp louder than Big Chris. 
If you do you win a free beer, but if you don’t Chris has a bite of 
Arachova Souvlaki and belches in your face. “Ya babe!”
 
- Ian Foster’s kareyoki bar: it’s the perfect chill out spot for 
post game gatherings. Unwind and let yourself be taken away by Ian’s
sultry voice or sing along with Ian’s Brass of Ass
 
 
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 FOUR ACES
 Card Table
 Built: 1996
 Capacity: 21350
 
The complex’s primary tenant, CASC’s Four Aces, can draw a maximum 
crowd of 21350, while concerts can accommodate 26 789. The first 
concert act booked was the Jimmy Garoufalis Buzuki Festival on April 
3rd 1996. Other well know artists that have performed at the Card 
Table are Yanni and Greek superstar singer Elise Gombos. 
 
The Card Table has two public levels, two private levels, 80 suites 
and 5000 club seats. It boasts the best food court in the CASC, 
including the Jimmy Garoufalis Cretan Diet Diner, the Jack Lotti 
Brasilian Burrito and Guacamole Stand and the John Wong Sweet and 
Sour Grill Room.